When considering emigration, the topic of marriage was entirely dismissed by me, as migration was considered a purely personal project. Now I want to contemplate how migration affects everything concerning marriage.
By “marriage” can be understood different degrees of rapprochement. For some, marriage boils down to primarily sexual rights, for others it implies more or less shared housekeeping, and for many it’s simply relationships formalized in a state-issued official document.
Institutional pressure encourages people toward increasingly officially-registered marriages. A constant partner enjoys greater neighborly goodwill than a constant change of partners. Standard apartments are usually designed for two adults, so living alone in them is disproportionately expensive, while cohabiting with three – considerably less convenient. Finally, having a marriage certificate can reduce aggressive government pressure or even give the government some benefits.
If a person has adapted to these factors and entered into marriage, his life becomes organized, easier, more predictable and calmer, until circumstances change. And here, the rigidity of such a structure as officially registered monogamous marriage with joint housekeeping inevitably leads to fragility, since under new conditions everything needs to be restructured. Circumstances can relate to the personal emotional sphere – for example, a more attractive potential partner appears. They can – to economic, for instance, one of the partners changes their field of activity and income level. And they can – to relationships with the state, for example, one of the partners is mobilized into the army or begins to be persecuted for unenthusiastic thoughts.
The latter category of changes most often leads to such a step as emigration, although, of course, economic factors and personal ones can also influence this. At this stage, marriage is easily able to collapse. One partner decides to bail out, the other has never thought about it before and doesn’t plan it further, which means they will have to break up. The more actively the state stimulates one of the partners to leave, the fewer opportunities there are to civilly divide what has been acquired, and the greater the likelihood that you will have to leave with one backpack and a cherished “seed phrase” instead of illiquid assets, children and livestock left behind by those who don’t go anywhere. Life completely starts from scratch. Some find this quite convenient, others it completely breaks them, but in any case, now it’s not about marriage.
If the marriage withstood this test, new dangers threaten it. In a foreign country, much will be exaggerated by partners, and quite possibly – differently. Economic roles in the family can readily change places. This often happens due to the fact that higher incomes usually correlate with more specialized skills. As a result, someone who earned more at their previous position will find themselves without demand for their specialization on the new one, their income will decrease, and the second partner will become the provider.
Moreover, various preferences in lifestyle may emerge. For example, the customs of one partner will seem pleasant in the new location, while to the other they’ll seem unattractive. As a result, one will enjoy the new society, while the other will isolate themselves, old network contacts and nostalgia for their homeland. In short, even if both partners agreed that emigration was necessary, it might turn out that different countries are more suitable for them.
To top it all off, the factor of state pressure won’t disappear and on a new place either. It’s quite possible that one partner will be unwelcome to the receiving country, and he will require a new emigration, while the second has just started to settle in and is determined not to repeat the traumatic experience of moving.
In general, marriages in emigration break up much more frequently than they do at home – and this is despite the fact that people in the unfamiliar environment should ostensibly hold onto each other even tighter. This also happens, and joint trials can only strengthen relations.
So, people often go to emigration as unanchored individuals, or they become such after arriving on a new place. Of course, they seek out new partners among the immigrant community and local residents. This is facilitated by the same institutional pressure, however it may take unusual forms. For example, in the Balkans, locals tend to acquire Russian brides more often, while in impoverished countries of Southeast Asia – Russian grooms.
Also, in emigration, an official marriage certificate usually has much greater significance, since it’s typically one of the grounds for obtaining a residence permit, and in the case of marriage with locals – also citizenship.
However, a loner may, on the contrary, decisively refuse to make strong personal connections again if, for example, emigration forced him to experience their painful breakup. In this case, he will be looking for something lighter and generally trying not to get involved in anything. This is also quite rational behavior, although, of course, if a person manages to find themselves a full new homeland, then over time everything else will come into play. Let’s wish these people that their new homeland does not disappoint them like the old one.
In conclusion, I want to recall the thesis from the previous article – that for a successful emigration, it’s useful to travel with a head start, arriving in an established community of ideologically like-minded people. Such a community will accelerate all processes related to your marriage. If your marriage proves unsuitable for the new country, then with a community present, it will break up faster. If you are worthy of each other, the community will even strengthen your bond further, giving you fertile ground for joint activity. Finally, if your marriage breaks up and you’re looking for a long-term or fleeting alliance, you’ll have more chances to find one in the community.
Anyway, whatever your fate turns out to be, remember that every voluntary decision you make is intended to change a less preferable state into a more preferable one. And if you understand anything about life, you’ll take more correct decisions than wrong ones, and therefore everything will be fine for you.